Was that love?

She was the most beautiful girl of my college- a gentle puff of breeze,a mesmerising appearance, a cinderella kind of being. Being a very straightforward and outspoken kind of guy I used to mingle with folks easily.But here in this case I found myself a little perplexed. My tounge turned stiff while trying to speak to her or I felt nervous.While discussing something in group I would often get derailed. She used to chuckle at my ideas. I would feel a little ashmed when I realised I had said something that was not at all relevant to the topic.

It had been three months since she took admission in the college. By now I had become a little comfortable with her but still often I used to stumble with words while talking. Tri-sem exams were round the corner and everybody was busy studying. Even I was putting my best effort to come out with flying colours. One day, it was afternoon when the sudden ringing of my cellphone had wakened me up from my siesta. I had stretched my hand from bed to take up the phone . It was a new number. I looked at the number for a few seconds and recived it finally.
"Am I talking to Advait", a mild voice emerged at the other end.
Yes, you are, I replied.
Oh, Advait!
Hi, this is Archana here.
Hi Archana ! How are you? I said.
I am good. Can you see me in library now? she asked
Yeah, sure.
Ok, I will be waiting for you.

Our hostel was few yards away from college main building. It was a very hot day.Sun was burning high. However, I put on some clothes and left for library. As it was afternoon only a few students were sitting here and there in liabrary . She was sitting alone at the other end of the readers' desk. She was looking outside through the window at pale leaves foliage beneath.
As I approached there I said as usual, Hi Archana!
She turned back and responded coldly. What were you looking at outside the window? I asked .
Advait, do you see those foliages?, she asked.
yes , I do. What is there in them?, I asked.
Once in their heyday they may have been green ,prancing , embracing and caressing branches , she added. Yes , they must have been. But why are you asking all these things, I replied.
Advait, my life is now just like those foliages. I am a forsaken and worn out girl . I have been dropped off , she continued. I couldn't understand what she is talking about at all initially but I could deduce from her face that she was very upset.Life is too strange , it makes even delicate and frail people painful.Even frail people are not any less; they too endow others with pain knowingly or unknowingly. But here an innocent looking girl was in grief and moaning untolerably.
Trying to console her I asked, What exactly can I do for you Archana? First you calm down buddy, will try to see to your prob with cool mind. Her eyes were turned red. I sat beside her . She rested her head on my shoulder and once again bursted in tears. I could feel the drops of tears falling on my shoulder wetting the shirt. Before others could see us and it became a scene I stood up holding her in my arm and pursuaded to move from there. We came out of the libraray ,stood for sometime in college premises till she had signalled me to sit on the parapet of a fountain there. I was getting late for gym still I sat with her to make her comfortable. Till now I didnt know what exactly had happened with her in past and she was very new to the college and I had a little interaction with her. This was the first time I had seen her face from close. I wanted to leave. For about ten minutes we kept sitting quiet and see was looking in blank. Finally I broke the silence and asked ,"Who have dropped you off ?" It's a very long storyAdvait,she replied sobbing.I thought you could listen me empathetically and I was feeling agitated from inside; Iwanted to weep bitterly before somebody to console myself this was the reason I called you. I troubled you unnecessarily Advait. You can go now Advait but promise me you will come whenever I would call you, she had muttered. I'll buddy I will. I left immediately.

The very next day I reached college as usual . I saw her standing in a corner right to college main building. She appeared a little calm and wearing a lousy face . I thought it better to slip away from there as once again could have caught me up and I really didnt want to start off my day with a negative annotation.

My Odyssey so far............

I dont know where I am heading to ....but still I am heading as I have been doing for long. I direct myself in some direction but time directs me in some other. Its my inability to not put myself going on in a particular direction . I have lost my ways umpteen times. Amazingly, despite all these deviations my life has been cool. I tried hard to overcome deviations but I couldn't.
Things look hazy from a distance and its very difficult to decide whether you should get into those . And the same has been happening with me. I proceeded towards things having a rosy picture in eyes about them but only proximity told me things were not as lucrative as I thought them to be. Dissuaded but optimistically, I kept inching towards and got them finally but of no use . They turned out to be hollow.
I never blamed my intuition for misleading me. Because I think if I become skeptical towards my intuition one day it will stop indicating anything and so many times it has been accurate too. I think perhaps it was me who couldn't decipher my intuitions well. I am embarked on my odyssey of life and enjoying every thing that come my way . I never look at things with a disgusting look rather I welcomed them. I fear what if lucrative things do not come across me for a considerable period . I will go mad facing odd ones . This fear has led me to develop a faculty within me which welcomes everything with an open heart.
Once I wanted to be a lecturer. Even I forced myself in the direction. Suddenly I realised that my responsibilities were in no mood to give me any more time and meanwhile somewhere in my mind I was thinking about MBA. I had filled in MAT form unconciously and one fine day I got Admission Letter for MAT exam. I took examination without single day's preparation, did questions only from reasoning , english aptitude ,data interpretationa , general awareness and touched only two questions from mathematics. I was declared to secure 87 percentile. How all these happened I never realised . Still I was thinking it be one another examination. I never knew that this time I was serious. Prospectus from different colleges started dropping in everyday and my father enquired me often as to where I was going to take admission. Initially I tried to avoid admission but increasing interest of my father compelled me to think in this direction. Once I decided to have admission two big questions started haunting me. Firstly , who will give me money to pursue my education? And secondly, is it wise to leave my thriving teaching business and get into MBA field where every thing is uncertain ? Like my father I am a big optimist and perhaps it was my optimism which drove me from bank to bank and plead for an education loan brandishing my credentials to the clumsy managers. I ran from post to pillar, tried to impress managers with my soft skills but all in vain. One day I met a person . He was a broker . He asked me if Iget him 5% of loan amount he can get me a loan. I had no other option but to go for it. Because I don't believe in improving others rather I strive to change myself on their tune. Why should I try to correct incorrigible things and waste my time and even if I succeed in correcting them what will I get in return ? Finally, apart from giving him his share I had to pledge some of my insurance bond papers which weren't required at all but the manager forced me to give to get the loan sanctioned.

And one fine morning I left for Bangalore to land up in National school of Business, a place of my wasted dreams. I took up study with the guys of the age I used to teach. Here I did a big mistake to understand them to be as naive I was. Most of them fresh from under graduation college were boisterous any clumsy. They resort to their old immature habits. Initially I felt breathless. I felt like running away from there but later I realised quitting was not the right decision. Then I prepared myself to take on them. Even earlier I was able to tackle them but I was not in the habit of all those things. Months rolled on , the most popular guys among the students and faculty turned worst ever while I was slowly going up towards success. By then I had created a niche for me. With the change of season changed friends and foes. But then I never looked back . I had decided to march ahead alone. I was inspired by Rabindranath's poem "Ekla chalo Re". I never tried to flatter anybody to get instant success and applause because I know these type of accolades are temporary in nature and would not last long. I accepted everybody with an open heart and tried to help them out in whatever possible ways I could. Here I got some all weather good friends too. I look upon them as very good friends because they have always helped me where I was right and have dissuaded me equally where I was wrong. This is the reason I call them my best friends. But here is the interesting part of this friendship, even my best friends do not know that they are my best friends because I never acknowledged this truth before them. I was scared of being them more possessive to know this fact . I never wanted them to be attached . Because attachment is the thing which leads one to ill ways. Even here I don't want to disclose their names I have a conviction that I will continue to get all support from them and they will continue to be my best friends.